School and grief

Even if you’re still in shock, ring the school within the first few days. Email is fine. Speak to the principal, school counsellor or wellbeing team — not just the classroom teacher.

Ask them to let your child’s teachers know discreetly, and to make sure your child isn’t blindsided by a worksheet about families, a Mother’s Day craft, or a class discussion about grandparents.

Ask the school to nominate one staff member as your child’s safe person — someone they can go to without explaining why. Often it’s the school counsellor, sometimes it’s a favourite teacher or office staff member.

• A quiet space they can go when grief surges
• Permission to leave class without a hand-up — a small card, a code word, a nod
• Extensions on assignments without having to ask
• A heads-up before any class topic that could land hard
• Permission to skip whole-school events that feel like too much

Other kids may avoid your child, ask blunt questions, or pretend nothing happened. Your child may feel suddenly alone in a place that used to feel normal. The school counsellor can sometimes help by talking to the class with your permission.

Many bereaved children seem to “cope well” in the first months and then struggle the following year, when other people have forgotten and they’re still grieving. Tell the school to keep watching for the long arc.