Telling the children

Sit somewhere familiar. Be close. Use the actual word "died." Keep it short. Then stop and let them respond.

Something like: "I have something very sad to tell you. There's been an accident, and Daddy died. I'm so sorry. I love you. I'm here."

• "It is not your fault — nothing you did or thought made this happen."
• "You are safe — and I am not going anywhere."
• "You can ask me anything, any time."

You may need to say each of these many times. Children often build understanding of sudden loss slowly, over months. They may return to it.

Tell them the truth at the level they can handle right now. Be honest about the fact that the person has died — but you don't need to give graphic detail in the first conversation. Start simple. Add more as they ask.

Lying or hiding the cause — especially with suicide or overdose — often backfires. Children may find out, sometimes from another child at school. Hearing it from you, with love, is usually far better.

Even if your child isn't back at school yet, ring the school and tell the wellbeing team or principal what has happened. Ask them to discreetly let teachers know, and to make sure your child is supported when they return.

For children bereaved by sudden loss, particularly suicide or violence, specialist child grief support can make a real difference. Feel the Magic, StandBy and many local services run free programs.